Good Morning, Astral souls!
It’s late at night, and you want to reset everything. You’re convinced that this reset you want is impossible with this life, with the same people, looks, mistakes, unsupported system, abusers, and toxic family. Nothing is working out.
I hope you find this blog when you type the word suicide in your search so that I can make you read these three words: “YOU ARE NOT ALONE.”
I have been there too. I know your reason is unique and that your life has been hard on you lately.
You are probably in immense pain due to a prolonged illness and are tired of being a burden. Or maybe you are in a massive debt that you cannot pay off right now. Maybe someone betrayed you, and you will never trust people again. Or maybe someone abused you for the umpteenth time and left you numb. Maybe someone who loved you or you loved is gone, and the hopes you once had are gone, too. You are deeply hurt.
Or maybe you did something you are ashamed of or are doing a bad job to get by all day and are sad. Maybe you are overwhelmed with not being enough for your family and are disappointed with yourself for only surviving and not thriving. Perhaps it’s none of these reasons, and you have a perfect life, but the severe depression is forcing you to think this way.
Maybe your reason for contemplating suicide is all of the above, or maybe just one of them, or it may be unique to your situation. All reasons are valid, and you have the right and choice to feel however you want. You can also spend whatever time you want contemplating your suicidal thoughts.
I know that this thought is not momentary. It’s the weight of trauma and disappointment and an accumulation of all the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain you have been keeping inside of you, that has now taken over every cell in your body. On some days, this pain is so unbearable that you only want to channel it out of your body, or else you will explode. You think of taking your life away not to kill yourself but to let that pain out of you.
Today is one of those days.
All I want to tell you is Don’t do it, Don’t do it, my friend. Please do not; you got this, OK? We got this, OK? I got you, OK? You are not alone and never will be. . I promise you, You will get through this.
How do I know that you will get through this?
I have had this conversation with myself while I was in the moment to slit my wrist a decade ago.
Yes, I felt ugly, unwanted, unloved, abused for my niceness, played, betrayed, exhausted and above all, convinced that my life would be the same on repeat, so what was the point of enduring this pain?
I also profoundly contemplated if my death would be significant to people who did this with me or those who loved me, and my awareness guided me to the most truthful response that no one remembers you after a week of your death.
My thought of killing myself won this argument over in my mind. So, I decided to end my life to have all the pain I was experiencing leave my body. I took a thermocol cutter and made a small cut on my wrist, and while I did that, I saw my face in the nearby mirror. I then stared at my face for the longest time and asked myself one Question?
Why am I doing this to myself? Despite my mind being in such a messy place. I took a pause and asked myself How can I get through this?
It responded, Move! I asked myself how moving would help me get rid of this overwhelming pain. But I wanted to solve this one bit before I made a deeper cut. So I moved out of my room and stood up on my balcony, trying to figure out how moving would make me get through this.
The pain was still there. But I decided to give my intuition a last chance. So, I put on my shoes and went for a long walk anyway, and from nowhere, I started telling myself, “YOU GOT THIS.
After some time I started to feel lighter and cried a lot that night. I learned from this experience that thinking of suicide is okay, but I understood that it’s not okay to commit it. We all know our death is inevitable, so why rush and quit this life without giving ourselves all the chances we can till we die naturally?
This thought keeps me going and helps me to understand that suicide is not an option and the only choice we have is to live and live more gloriously.
Do you get over this feeling Completely?
Honestly, I still feel burned out, exhausted, and disappointed by people and situations, but that’s life.
Understanding life: The older I get, the less excited I am about life. But I always get through these times by supporting myself and remembering that my life is essential to me. I have become more compassionate toward myself now. Yes, it does get better, and yes, it does get worse, too. So what???
You got this and yourself, my friend. Live each day at a time, and you will be surprised to see how days, months, and years pass by, and you will reach a phase in your life where your biggest life problem will be: How can I make my life more beautiful and how can I help others in need more?
You will see yourself becoming more and more loving towards yourself, and when you again get these thoughts, you will overcome them with ease.
I have lived to see this, and I am my witness.
Now, take a deep breath, look at your surroundings, and focus on the words, “YOU GOT THIS “, Increase the sound of these words and say them out loud. Shake yourself up and support yourself.
Don’t quit early when you have an option to start afresh in every moment.
Love
G
When not working, can usually be found reading a book, spending (perhaps a little too much) time meditating, practicing yog, or just vibing in the present moment like a mindfulness pro. And—despite claiming she knits very badly—she still picks up the needles now and then. Blogging to share her life learnings is her passion!