How to Stop Being Too Nice without Feeling Guilty.

1. Audition People to be in your life.

Just like a movie has a main character and supporting cast that helps make a movie successful. Be the main character of your life and do auditions to select your supporting cast. The better the cast, the bigger success is guaranteed.

Make a list of unacceptable behaviours. And no matter what, you would not tolerate that behaviour at any cost.

For example, I like to observe people and see if their work matches their actions.

It’s an audition I make everyone take before they are cast to be in my life’s movies. You will be surprised to know how magic of a filter this is. I have only found a few people in my life who are inspiring and always do what they say. Their presence is godly, inspiring me to do what I promised myself. Take those auditions, cast those rare but great souls and make your life’s movie episode.

2. Work on yourself and your insecurities

Acting more nicely indicates that you seek approval for your niceness and will only stop once you get that approval.

You come across as desperate, and it becomes easy for anyone to make you tolerate and accept their inappropriate behaviour. You are insecure and are a people pleaser. You want to win everyone around you and convince them that you are nice.

It is so evident that you are comfortable in your insecurity and Makes all the wrong people come and make you believe you are winning them and may win them entirely if you continue to be nice to them, ensuring you do not step out of your comfort zone and take a stand for yourself.

To overcome your insecurities, you must learn to accept that you have them and then attack them from everywhere, be stubborn and dedicated to overcoming them.

I had an insecurity about myself that I was not wanted, which is a significant insecurity. So, I did anything to be desired and needed. This desire started a decade of my life where I put myself into situations where I got fooled to be wanted and needed.

I would not let go of and walk away from people who made me feel that way and entered and stayed in the worst unhealthy relationships until I got pushed to be alone.

I then started learning and noticing my insecurity and worked my ass off to become the person I am today. I don’t want to be wanted or needed. I learned to own my responses and my acts. I own my reactions and actions and take responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, words, and behaviours.

Now, I only reciprocate and do not over-give. I am not afraid of being excluded and not liked. I still attract abusers, but I now know when to walk away and stop investing in those situations.

3. Reassure yourself and stop looking for it outside

Once you start to work on your insecurities, you must keep reassuring yourself and not look for support from outside. You will notice that while changing your behaviour, too, you are looking for approval from others.

The moment you meet that one person who tells you – Hey, please do not change being nice. You will go back to your old ways. Bad news: I am not that person, and I will look you in the eye and tell you to keep it up and walk away from anyone who does not accept your new self.

Do not seek any approval from anyone but yourself. You can only remind yourself that you are loved by being assured daily. You can use the affirmation I use to date.- I approve of myself and all that I am, and I’ll continue to be this new person as I love this person so much.

4. Know that not everybody’s Ego is worth hurting

Most of the time, our Ego gets boosted when we do something nice for others. We also promote their Ego boost by supporting and caring for their feelings.

This game of ego-boosting is great until you are trapped in a situation where your giving self is abused greatly and you are empty. This makes you angry and in the rage of getting back on a taker and trying to make them feel that they do not give you enough will drive you crazy.

Stop waiting for their ego to get hurt. It will cause you great hurt and you will invite unpleasant experiences into your life leading you to a Victim Mentality. Free yourself from any such situation as soon you recognize it. It is okay to come across as weak and then become weak for real while investing in people and situations where anything you do is unappreciated.

5. Notice how people behave when you show support

It is okay to help and support people, but you need to notice how they behave after your support. If they are thankless, do not like that you helped them and think you are over-smart and a show-off. Leave them alone.

It would help if you stopped wasting your time supporting such souls. Instead, support someone who needs it and only continue if they value your time and support. You must learn and practice walking away before it’s too late to leave and get stuck in an old pattern.

6. Define your boundaries

Establish clear boundaries and communicate them to others. Let people know what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Setting boundaries will help you avoid being in situations that make you uncomfortable.

A great example of setting boundaries is when a friend calls you late at night to talk about their problems, which is starting to affect your sleep and overall well-being.

You can politely tell them that these late-night calls affect your sleep and energy levels the next day and that you would like to find another time to discuss their problems.

7. Be more confident and display confident body language

Nice people generally are confident because of their self-assured demeanour; however, being hurt repeatedly breaks this confidence.

Becoming more confident and displaying confident body language happened with internal mindset shifts and outward actions. Involving yourself in physical activities that challenge you builds and increases your confidence.

Reminding yourself of your past overcomes and victories is a fantastic way to boost your confidence. Staying confident requires a lot of work, and we all know that all great things need our commitment. Be committed to your activities that make you feel and be more confident.

8. Seek Professional Help

If you find it particularly difficult to change your behaviour independently, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counsellor. They can help you explore the underlying reasons for your conduct and provide strategies for change. As the danger of being too nice are serious.

Remember, the goal is not to become unkind or rude but to find a balance where you can prioritize your well-being without compromising your values or how you treat others.

9. Do not worry about your Karma

Yes, you do not have to think much about your Karma in situations where you did not help anyone in need and prioritize yourself and your needs. It’s not a selfish act but an act of kindness towards yourself.

Till the time you have not hurt someone knowingly. You are good, and do not let the fear of Karma let you act too lovely or friendly in situations where you can walk out silently. Some wars do not need you, and you need to drop them.

And learn that the only person you need to be nice to first is yourself.

—Love,  G