What you need to stop being too nice?

Good Morning, Astral souls!

I have always been a too nice person and I still am but the only difference is I now know when to stop being too nice when my niceness is taken for granted and is abused.

It all started by me doing the deep work on myself to become the person I am today. In my journey of self development I learned that I had an insecurity about myself that I was not wanted, which is a significant insecurity. So, I did anything to be desired and needed. This desire started a decade of my life where I put myself into situations where I got fooled to be wanted and needed.

I would not let go of and walk away from people who made me feel that way and entered and stayed in the worst unhealthy relationships until I got pushed to be alone.

I then started learning and noticing my insecurity and worked my ass off to become the person I am today. I don’t want to be wanted or needed. I learned to own my responses and my acts. I own my reactions and actions and take responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, words, and behaviors.

Now, I only reciprocate and do not over-give.

I am happy to share what helped me become a person who is not afraid of being excluded and not liked. I still attract abusers, but I now know when to walk away and stop investing in those situations.

1. Look deeply into your past patterns

To reach the root cause of understanding the repeated patterns. You must reflect on your past habits and understand why you tolerated the shit behavior. Study your patterns and Analyze all the situations and incidences where people disrespect you.

You will learn that it was your tolerant behavior and weak boundaries and standards that led you to people, situations and experiences that left you feeling bad for yourself for being a Nice person.

It is essential first to understand why you are a Nice person so that you can analyze your patterns and approach them with a more educated mindset. Becoming self-aware and understanding that becoming the opposite of who you are will be an injustice to your true self.

With this understanding, you continue to be too nice despite all the hurt and disappointments.

2. Learn what is worth your energy

So you were buying a coffee to attend an urgent meeting you were added to by your manager. And while picking up your coffee, you saw a colleague struggling with their new laptop access. Like a nice person, without being asked for help. You then decided to approach this colleague and help them. You also spent a few more minutes to share additional information about this laptop.

They did not thank you as they never had asked for your help.

You missed a few minutes of your meeting and missed the agenda of the meeting. I am not saying you did wrong by compassionately comforting your colleague. However, this incident shows how you need to prioritize what is important to you and what is not.

 You have to learn and understand what is worth your time and allocate your time and energy to activities, tasks, and people, which are priorities.

3. Work on yourself and your insecurities

Acting more nicely indicates that you seek approval for your niceness and will only stop once you get that approval.

You come across as desperate, and it becomes easy for anyone to make you tolerate and accept their inappropriate behavior. You are insecure and are a people pleaser. You want to win everyone around you and convince them that you are nice.

It is so evident that you are comfortable in your insecurity and makes all the wrong people come and make you believe you are winning them and may win them entirely if you continue to be nice to them, ensuring you do not step out of your comfort zone and take a stand for yourself.

To overcome your insecurities, you must learn to accept that you have them and then attack them from everywhere, be stubborn and dedicated to overcoming them.

4. Reassure yourself and stop looking for it outside

Once you start to work on your insecurities, you must keep reassuring yourself and not look for support from outside. You will notice that while changing your behavior, too, you are looking for approval from others.

The moment you meet that one person who tells you – Hey, please do not change being nice. You will go back to your old ways. Bad news: I am not that person, and I will look you in the eye and tell you to keep it up and walk away from anyone who does not accept your new self.

Do not seek any approval from anyone but yourself. You can only remind yourself that you are loved by being assured daily. You can use the affirmation I use to date.- I approve of myself and all that I am, and I’ll continue to be this new person as I love this person so much.

5. Know that not everybody’s Ego is worth hurting

Most of the time, our Ego gets boosted when we do something nice for others. We also promote their Ego boost by supporting and caring for their feelings.

This game of ego-boosting is great until you are trapped in a situation where your giving self is abused greatly and you are empty. This makes you angry and in the rage of getting back on a taker and trying to make them feel that they do not give you enough will drive you crazy.

Stop waiting for their ego to get hurt. It will cause you great hurt and you will invite unpleasant experiences into your life leading you to a Victim Mentality. Free yourself from any such situation as soon you recognize it. It is okay to come across as weak and than become weak for real while investing in people and situations where anything you do is unappreciated.

6. Notice how people behave when you show support

It is okay to help and support people, but you need to notice how they behave after your support. If they are thankless, do not like that you helped them and think you are over-smart and a show-off. Leave them alone.

It would help if you stopped wasting your time supporting such souls. Instead, support someone who needs it and only continue if they value your time and support. You must learn and practice walking away before it’s too late to leave and get stuck in an old pattern.

7. Define your boundaries

Establish clear boundaries and communicate them to others. Let people know what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Setting boundaries will help you avoid being in situations that make you uncomfortable.

A great example of setting boundaries is when a friend calls you late at night to talk about their problems, which is starting to affect your sleep and overall well-being.

You can politely tell them that these late-night calls affect your sleep and energy levels the next day and that you would like to find another time to discuss their problems.

8. Be more confident and display confident body language

Nice people generally are confident because of their self-assured demeanor; however, being hurt repeatedly breaks this confidence.

Becoming more confident and displaying confident body language happened with internal mindset shifts and outward actions. Involving yourself in physical activities that challenge you builds and increases your confidence.

Reminding yourself of your past overcomes and victories is a fantastic way to boost your confidence. Staying confident requires a lot of work, and we all know that all great things need our commitment. Be committed to your activities that make you feel and be more confident.

9. Seek Professional Help

If you find it particularly difficult to change your behavior independently, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counsellor. They can help you explore the underlying reasons for your conduct and provide strategies for change. As the danger of being too nice are serious.

Remember, the goal is not to become unkind or rude but to find a balance where you can prioritize your well-being without compromising your values or how you treat others.

10.Do not worry about your Karma

Yes, you do not have to think much about your Karma in situations where you did not help anyone in need and prioritize yourself and your needs. It’s not a selfish act but an act of kindness towards yourself.

Till the time you have not hurt someone knowingly. You are good, and do not let the fear of Karma let you act too lovely or friendly in situations where you can walk out silently. Some wars do not need you, and you need to drop them.

And learn that the only person you need to be nice to first is yourself.

Love

G